Deviation

I’ve been lookin’ ‘round this place
don’t see nothin’ I can’t do without
these faces haven’t changed (much)
(but) growin’ tired of this syllabus
I need some deviation
feelin’ out of touch
I hate to say it’s true, my dear
things are gettin’ kinda worn with you, too
seasons come an’ go – with the same ol’ same ol’
everybody doin’ the same ol’ thing
ain’t no thunder, ain’t no lightning
I need some deviation
something shocking, something frightening

perhaps I’m just a deviant
perhaps I’m just a cad
but the times I spent out on the wire
were the best I ever had
so I’m goin’ back out there
goin’ back in time

so I’m headed for the border
goin’ back out on patrol
a sidearm and a compass
my knapsack an’ my bedroll
I need some deviation
or I’m afraid I’ll go insane
might be goin’ to the city now
where the hustle never sleeps
crowds an’ bodies everywhere – flash an’ glare
opportunity an’ dark despair
hipsters an’ freaks an’ music in the streets
I need some deviation
get myself back in the game

I don’t care enough ‘bout nothin’
no passions no animus, you see
got no bling, I’m soft an’ slow
like complacency
so I’m goin’ back out there
goin’ back in time
I’m takin’ back my soul
I need some deviation
even out my head
international intrigue
with kaleidoscopic currency
and paraphrase fatigue
dialectic stampede
as places come an’ go – nothin’ hoary, it don’t get old
with thunder and lightning
shocking an’ frightening

perhaps I’m just a deviant
perhaps I’m just a cad
but the times I spent out on the wire
were the best I ever had
so I’m goin’ back out there
goin’ back in time

I had an Angel

When I was a young man
I had me an angel
But I was a young man
With a long way to go
Packed up my caboodle
In search of adventure
Less honest than truthful
Left my angel behind

I married some women
I had me some children
I made me a living
Compressed and confined
But when I was a young man
I had me an angel
But I was a young man
Such a long time ago

I built me a castle
I lined it with silver
Readied for battle
But no one arrived
But when I was a young man
I had me an angel
But I was a young man
Things that I didn’t know

So now I’m an old man
And I’m all alone now
No longer a young man
Left my angel behind
But when I was a young man
I had me an angel
I was a young man
Such a long time ago

the pilgrimage

Part I

it was a sunny day
it was a rainy day
chicago to michigan
and up north
at once warmed
by a brilliant sun
then
bombarded by a
sudden
torrential downpour
in and out
of joy and promise
to gloom and melancholy

the week began with
ominous foreboding
mixed with
hope and happiness
and would continue thusly
seeking wellness checks
those who’d gone before
who’d helped to pave
our separate roads
which brought us
here today
they
have accomplished much

and now await
the challenges of
older age
of lonely solitude
interspersed
with love
with genuine
appreciation
and the sun
and the rain
exist
in harmony

Part II

the crowds don’t gather here
save some event of rough
outdoorsmanship
the way is clear
the woods are silent
motorized conveyances
have a separate place to run
and thrill    –    not here
among the ferns that form
the faux floor of this forest
my forest
this place of quiet
this place of my youth

a protected space
and down the banks to
rich and mucky earth of
gordon’s creek
away from fixed
and stable trails
the water pure and cold
it was
and is, my first love
sure, and most at home
among the trees
and me
and no one else

Part III

it was a rougher place
back then
primordial to me
the steps descending down
to iargo springs
had always been there
but now?
a boardwalk maze
will weave and thread
and intertwine the walk
the logs across the mucky parts
are gone
are strewn about

these lengths of tree trunks
now useless and rotting
so, atop the highbanks
a sign marks the time
primeval exploration
ceased
and it became forevermore
post-iargo springs boardwalk days
we can’t go back
the age of guardianship is upon us
the era of pragmatism  –  gone
those were
pre-iargo springs boardwalk days

Part IV

just seven days
of pilgrimage
a sojourn
to our roots
a tarriance
of sorts
we saw our past
we saw our future
who we were
who we are
the lasting
truest view
what we’d become

and on the seventh day
drained
spent
satisfied
time to head home

Adelia

Adelia was bedeviled
by the deal she got from me
she was bedeviled by the things
that she could feel but could not see
not that I was near
my dear Adelia when she died
the preacher said she left
us here to be with Jesus Christ

they buried dear Adelia
in a grove upon a hill
I visit it and sit
with dear Adelia still
she’s gone to be with Jesus
unbedeviled, no more fear
of unheard voices, unclear thoughts
at peace Adelia dear

movin’ or just movin’ on

toss it out
make some room
for new memories

ain’t no reason
to be hangin’ on
to what there
ain’t no need for

give a fond
remembrance now
and put it
in the trash

no yard sale stuff
that only crowds
some other person’s peace
some other’s mental space

jus’ toss it out
an’ move on . . .

She was – I am

She was a witness to disaster
          And emotional upheaval
She’d seen families that were torn apart
          And in economic despair
There were carnal violations
          There was blood upon the easel
But she didn’t seem to notice
          Or she didn’t seem to care

You said happiness is a puzzle
          Some unworkable conundrum
And life is never really that
          What life appears to be
Love and hate and in between
          Sorrow, joy or boredom
We’ll not project the paladin
          And not impose our sympathy

I was sitting in a diner
          You were right across the table
I was drinking coffee
          You were busy with your phone
I asked if you were happy
          You didn’t even answer
I thought I caught a smile from you
          But I could never know

spring day # 37

on spring day number thirty-seven
i remember nothing new and wing
along inside mind’s eye
to capture        so to speak
a prize, a gem of introspection
one that i might share        and pen
my quiet jubilation        so
the cause of what i might expect is simple
seems to be neglect of all which bears
resemblance to a memory
or ample contemplation        oh
now there’s a thought-
ful pause inside this realm of mine
to realize that what is not is
new when it becomes        i see the
light of day beside the elm tree
fade away as bits of cotton battin’
float northeast away to shade
some other place        and when
the sun comes back to me and
i beside the elm tree watch
a bird, a fly, a bee
i catch an armadillo bug beneath a
rock with seven slugs and then i
roll the little fellow as a ball
around the trash can lid
and this he does so patiently until i
smash him to the ground        it’s
all she wrote for mr. bug        the
fall was just too much, no parachute
like dandelions which
sail forever        they can float
back down to earth or glide in
to a neighbor’s weeds I shouldn’t mind
if those weeds grow their roots
across the driveway birth is such a
lovely thing

The wood burning kit

I got a wood burning kit for Christmas
        one year, long ago
        meant for searing names,
        designs and numbers
This plug-in, electric art/craft wonder
        occupied childhood time
        now spent with computers
        and video games
S.S. Kresge Five and Dime
        sold trinkets and
        affordable diversions
        like birdhouse kits and bookends
And small plastic soldiers and dinosaurs
        which, in early adolescence,
        offered up their heads
        to my wood burning kit
I kept Glenn’s bookends
        the set he made for ma
        with his kit many years before
        they were pretty special
        to ma and me

Of Misery and Happiness

Burden not the solitary equine
Willing servant, sumpter of e’erlasting woe
Tribulations tensed and thus so high-lined
Carry that which rightf’ly’s your own
Make not the son some candelabra stool
Nor husband tote contentment all and then
Nor daughter eat the sins of ancient fools
Nor wife protect the vanities of men
What share we may this blessed earth belong
To sing and dance as glad participants
To have and so be had in joyous song
The best of times we know shall never last
So burden not the solitary equine
For sorrow if it choose is only mine

Senses

When do my senses get caught up in fences?
When do my thoughts take a trip on their own?
All that I’ve wondered, the thoughts that I’ve pondered
All that I’ve seen, heard or touched all alone

My eyes see a stranger, my nose senses danger
But somehow I’m hearing the words of a friend
The air becomes cool as I sit on my bar stool
Playing another sad game of pretend

Sometimes we smell victory, sometimes a trick
Or follow your nose, move from where you are at
See all that is blue or look into the future
Hear what they’re saying up under their hat

What things seem to be, I often don’t see
Like feeling the fool when I’m winning respect
Or I thought I heard praise as their glasses were raised
But I’m not sure what next to expect
          (I don’t trust that pat on the back)

I’ve watched while he preaches, I’ve heard all his speeches
I’ve read of this, that, and the other big deal
My thoughts are confused, is my voice being used?
Concerned about credence – and what I don’t feel

When do my senses get caught up in fences?
When do my thoughts take a trip on their own?
All that I’ve wondered, the thoughts that I’ve pondered
All that I’ve seen, heard or touched all alone

on a saturday

as i roll around to meet
it with my head beneath my pillow
i am trying to forget it
always comes around again
stumbling through the clothes and blankets
scattered on the floor
i reach the kitchen
i look into the outside through the window
see the blanket that has
turned into a mountain on my lawn
i put the kettle on the stove
take out a cigarette but everybody’s gone

saturday in a.m. time
soon turns to afternoon
and i’m not ready for another
run through brew ha ha and everything
that makes the day so great
i will just relax today is what
i always say
i never do
and it’s that second cup of coffee
that puts me on my feet to start anew

and i am fascinated by the way
the dishes pile up
so fast i don’t remember eating
that much food
it was only yesterday i finally got my clothes
back to the washer for a brand new
lease on them and now the dishes need it too
and the mirror is no fantasy on saturday
reality is what is there
it looks me in the eye i am in shock
and all i do is stand and stare

if it wasn’t for the night
before the morning
wouldn’t be so bad and i
could simply rise and shine as if
it was the middle of the week
no i never learn a lesson if
i get knocked down
on a friday i’ll be back
on a saturday to turn the other cheek