You say that I’ve mistreated you
an’ maybe cheated on you
takin’ all you own an’ leavin’ loneliness
I’m a heartless soul
well, I don’t recall you ever havin’ money
but if that’s the situation, honey
call yourself an Uber an’ just
put it on my bill

Well, I stand accused of being gone
or not – comin’ home till dawn
stealin’ precious moments from your happiness
when you’re all alone
well – I do what I have to do
an’ if that’s not just alright with you
then charge it to my Visa card
an’ add it to my bill

I stay out late ‘cause god knows why
an’ I can’t explain – or even try
or how we both got into such a mess
I can’t deny
it, an’ I don’t think I’m gonna change my ways
an’ for the record, you know I never strayed
but, if that’s your explanation,
you can add it to my bill

I just adore
your beautiful brown eyes,
your way of makin’ love an’ raisin’ hell
but it’s just as well
an’ even so I never told you lies
but if you gotta go then fare thee well
call yourself an Uber an’ just
put it on my bill